We’ve been together for a little over a year and a half now. We’ve fielded dozens of questions from family and friends about our relationship- how it started, the biggest surprises, reactions from others, having 5 kids, etc. Within a couple of months of moving in together, we were taken aback when a friend asked us if we were going to have more children. Since then, the question has come with greater frequency and we would like to share the back and forth discussion we’ve had on this topic as it has become one of our favorites to be asked.
J: The first time I was asked this question, I was caught so off guard. I mean, we already have five. Five!! That seems like a lot.
S: Right?! I could see that question being asked if we didn’t have kids or only had one. Yes, we have 5 but we’ve always dreamed of having at least 8…
J: WE have?!!
S: Just trying to scare you a little, babe. I get why people ask, because they really want to know if we are going to have one together.
J: So, ARE we going to have more kids?
S: Um, no. How would that even work?
J: What do you mean? We have five now, so I think we have the hang of it!
S: It’s just that we’ve been trying for a long time, and nothing’s happened yet. Weird, since I typically get pregnant easily.
J: Oh, right. You mean the sheer biology of it all. Hmmm. Well, we’d have to find a guy. And, that might actually be harder than it sounds.
S: And, I’m getting old.
J: Phew! I’m so glad you’re the one to admit that. I guess if we were going to have more children, I’d be the one to get pregnant. I’m still fairly young.
S: Yes, and my last one practically fell out of me, so I probably shouldn’t have any more.
J: Well, that’s settled then. I would have the baby. Should we do it?
S: Wait! What?
J: I mean, it would be fun to have a baby that belonged to the two of us. I enjoyed being pregnant so I wouldn’t mind doing that again and it would be really cool to experience all of that with you.
S: That’s true…But, how would the baby really both be ours?
J: I can only think of one way…your brother!
S: Oh gosh! I cannot unthink that!
J: NO! Sicko!! I mean, we could just ask him for a small donation. If you know what I mean. That’s the closest we could get to having a baby that was biologically ours.
S: Good point. Our baby would be pretty cute, judging from our other 5.
J: I just thought of a problem with using your brother’s donation! What about when the kid is older and we have to explain who is dad is. That would be one strange conversation. And, explaining it to family? I don’t think it would be worth it.
S: So true! Let’s scrap the idea that the baby should be closely related to us both. What if you had a baby with an anonymous donor? That I can wrap my mind around. Still, I’m just getting used to sleeping all night after 12 years of not. Who would get up all night and nurse?
J: That’s easy! You would, silly. I’d need my rest so I could go to work each morning.
S: Grrrrr….right, cuz I don’t work…
J: Crap! That’s not what I meant! You know I wouldn’t trade jobs with you! If I’m being totally honest with you, love, I would probably try to talk you into doing it each night. This is like when a kid asks for a puppy and promises to do all the hard work.
S: Really, you don’t say? I never would have guessed that might happen…
J: You’re so sweet! Don’t you remember that night that I stayed over at your house before we moved in together? I convinced you to get up and take care of #5 when he woke up crying in the middle of the night. You didn’t even complain…until the next day…
S: I can just picture it! Let’s have a baby! Then, 6 months later, you tell me you are leaving for a 12 week class.
J: Isn’t my job great?!!
S: I suppose I could relactate and we can take turns nursing. That would be pretty amazing. I’ve only nursed a total of 9 years…what’s a few more?
J: It would be so much fun to do that with you! But, if we DID have a baby, you would be nearly 60 by the time we were empty nesters!
S: And you’d still only be 33. That WOULD be a problem…
J: Right?! What do you think the other 5 kids would think?
S: Depends if it’s a boy or girl. However, #5 doesn’t seem to like sharing either of his moms with the other kids, I can only imagine a baby getting all the attention.
J: I don’t know. Some days it seems really exciting to think about. Other days, I am grateful that the little boys are getting more and more self-sufficient. I don’t know if I could start all over with a newborn.
S: Starting over sounds so exhausting!
J: Exactly! But, whenever I see a newborn, I do get a little baby crazy.
S: I was afraid of this. I can respect the ovaries talking. That happened to me quite a few times. Each time I thought, is there an automatic shut-off eventually or will I have to fight that feeling forever? Turns out it’s after 5. You just have to picture 3 year olds screaming in the grocery store. That will stop the baby-crazy feeling.
J: Don’t worry, sweetheart. I am a VERY logical person. Those momentary surges of emotion PROBABLY won’t beat out logic. After all, we already have five kids! That seems like more than plenty! Where would we even put another one?
S: Not in our bed! We’ve co-slept with all 5…I’m SURE the next we would keep in a crib.
J: That reminds me of another potential issue. Do you think that we would spoil #6? I mean, if he or she was OUR baby, that could get tricky.
S: I’m sure the older kids would love that! Haha. They’d probably spoil the baby more than we would. And, I’d be way too tired to discipline or chase after the little tyke.
J: I guess it’s nice that it couldn’t just happen, right? It would take a great deal of planning for us to add to our family. No surprises in this relationship!
S: How about we try a puppy?
J: Oh, no! I’ve had two puppies! Do you know how much work they are?!!
S: Yep, way less than kids. And, they are trouble for about 6 months instead of 28 years.
J: So, no puppy and no baby?
S: I’m thinking we should just put a few grand down to get an already trained dog….maybe there are already trained children as well?
J: Hmmm. That’s an interesting thought. I kind of did that once. My little sister came to live with me when she was 15. She was pretty trained up. But, then we are back to the issue of the kid not being biologically ours and that’s the part I would want the most.
S: Good point. Well, guess we just love on the 5 we have and look forward to those grand kids someday!
J: Awe. We are going to be the COOLEST grandmas ever!! We can spend our retirement traveling between children!
S: OOH! Next blog! All the crap we are going to pull on our adult children when we visit them! Like ask them to cook us dinner and then say, “Gross! This isn’t what I wanted!”
J: Yeah! And, I’m going to bring like 20 pairs of socks to #2’s house and just leave them in all sorts of random places: the couch, the front yard, his car, in a kitchen cabinet…
S: We could run around and turn on all their lights and leave the doors open. And, the best part is waking them up at 2am by standing next to their face and whispering, “kid!!”
J: New plan- any time we start to think we might want a baby, we just focus that energy on planning future visits to our adult children and looking forward to grand children!