Why we basically eloped: We were both in total agreement about our special day. We’ve both been married before and had already experienced our dream wedding day. The fancy white dresses, the flowers, the attendees, the family, venue, photographer, parties. We had very special weddings to our ex-husbands. We didn’t want a big event again. We figured you get one chance to have a huge bash. We also agreed that since we had already experienced the big event, no matter how you slice a wedding cake, it’s really not about the couple as much as the people surrounding the couple. It’s about looks, pleasing everyone, stress, and distraction. We wanted our wedding to each other to be just about us and our kids. As little about pleasing others as possible.
What the brides wore: Our dresses did end up being white, but simple. I stumbled across mine at a consignment shop for $35. My wife insisted that I sew hers, which I did gladly but it was my most challenging sewing project to date. Our shoes were custom made converse, in Wonder Woman colors, and stitched “Love Wins” in the back.
The officiant: We hired a “celebrant” deciding to go neutral with the officiant. She did a great job at letting us make our own vows and write much of the ceremony.
The guest list: We really wanted to focus on our love for each other and make it a significant day for the kids, making sure they were included and not ignored. So technically they were part of the wedding attendees. My parents really wanted to come and they had been so supportive for us we gladly invited them, as well as my wife’s dad and little sister, because she is more like a daughter than a sister. The last minute guests happened to be our ex-husbands. They had been invited all along, and decided they wanted to share the day with us. I know it was a very hard decision and emotional to have them there for all of us. But we loved that they came to support, share, and in a way, a final detachment from us. A dear friend was invited and hired as a photographer. She surprised us that night by forgoing payment as her gift to us! Such a blessing!
The Vows: We wrote our own, as you may have guessed. It’s something we take very seriously and under much thought. It’s humbling to look back on the vows we had made so long ago to someone else and to then decide to make forever promises to each other. In a way it makes our vows to each other that much more serious and conscientious.
Vows to the children: We also wrote vows to our children. It was important to us that we weren’t just marrying each other, that we were forming a permanent family. My wife’s vows to my children were so beautiful, so emotional and touching.